first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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