the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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