oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
