I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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