Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
