yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
