The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
