Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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