I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There r osticjed everywhere
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
