one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
