Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he fucked my hip out of place.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
