wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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