somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
