I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
