I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
