Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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