Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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