Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
