ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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