singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
