Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
