if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
