I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
