I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
