so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
