You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
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