I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize