Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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