I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize