He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
