it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
