he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
