Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
