I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
