those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
