just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
