Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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