Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
