You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
