Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Green mimosas i think yes
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
