So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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