If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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