i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
it was like eating out sand paper
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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