Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I would ride that face into the sunset
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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