Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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