Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
