How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
