We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
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Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
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Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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