the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
