i was born a porn star she said
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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