So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
