How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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