She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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