Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
