Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
