This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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