More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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