once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
