If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
