theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
