When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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