32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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