don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
