I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
