i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
