Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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