ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
