Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
