Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
