we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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